To I,

i know how hard it must be for you now.
to try your very bestest to bear your soul to us.
to understand what's going on, around us, inside you.

normally, when im very sad, i just cry & the pain goes away.
and now, when im already all cried out.
i thought the floodgates will open after reading your diary.
but no, no tears. None.
what im feeling now, is much worse.
worst that i've ever known.
no tears, yet i feel my wreckin heart breaking into pieces.

no, i havent absorbed all of it yet.
you're right.
we're going on like nth's gonna happen.
like you're gonna be here with us Forever.
yet i know come july, you're gonna be far far away.
and i know, you're the one going thru the worst ever struggle now.


i know im the softie, the baby in the grp.
its just that im doin wht you're doin.
you wanna protect me. so you appear happy & mad.
i just appear happy too.
yet im almost completely destroyed inside.
tryin to be happy and excited for you.
i do confide in F sometimes .
but ive always hated bein the "Baby" in any grp.
for the first time i can confidently say that ive been thr done that.
im not a baby anymore babe.
dont pretend to be sthg that kills you infront of me.
cry, weep, confess your fears.
we're here.
our love, unconditionable.

when P came, i guess it cld be sthg called a "God Sent".
a tiniest glimpse of hope.
but i guess not.
disappointment.
me being so purely selfish.
i felt ashamed of myself.
end of day,
its your happiness that's impt to me.

you wanna know my inner deepest thoughts?
let me lay them down for you now.
well, sometimes. i hate him for comin here.
in just afew days.
fuckin sweep you off your feet.
and nxt thing i know
you're plannin to go off to some fuckin foreign racist land to be with him.
what is this?
love?
i pray it is.

all the sadness, the one thing im dreadin, the slight rage in me.
i just want to rid myself of them.
and just be there for you.

yet its killing me.
i know i always say that thr is noone that anyone cant live without.
yet the thought of not bein able to see you. talk to you. msg you. bitch with you.
it fuckin kills.
God sends me a friend like you.
i gave him my sincere and grateful thanks.
yet now you're gonna go .
all good things do come to an end.

Labels: that thing you do

Are you drinking? 12:59 AM